Healing Through Food: Transforming Grief & Rediscovering Joy in the Kitchen with Tressa Jamil

Tricia Clark [: 00:00:00

to another episode of Mealtime Magic in mayhem. I have been super excited to have this conversation with Tressa Jamill. She is a self taught chef developer, the voice behind the food blog, the Jamil Gar, a blog dedicated to sharing healthy international recipes and tips and tricks to make cooking less intimidating for newcomers. Her relationship with food has been complicated, but in the last few years, she's been cooking and creating recipes for the world, and it's led her down a path of healing after loss and struggling with health issues. So just in reading what I know about Tressa in the short conversations we've had. I know that we have a lot in common, and I'm so excited to have you here. So welcome to the mealtime Magic in Mayham Park.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:00:43

Yes. for having me here.

Tricia Clark [: 00:00:45

So your blog's name is Jamil Ghar, and kind of tell me the origin of the name.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:00:52

Sure. So it goes back to its start. So I guess I should begin there. My blog was never meant for public consumption originally, As you've mentioned, I'm a self taught chef. And I started cooking and people started enjoying my meals and then COVID happen and the world shut down. And so the influx of messages and emails, hey, can I get that recipe you made for blank? And so I never wrote down my recipes before, and I needed a place to record them. And so I started typing them into Google Docs My husband saw me one day, and he's a software engineer. And he's like, why are you doing that? Then you have to send them the Google docs. So why don't we just create a website for you to post all your recipes, and you can just share them with friends. So that's how it began is just a way to share it with friends and family during lockdown. And the name actually comes from our Wi Fi router, which is really funny. We called it the Jamilgar, which means Jamil is our last name, and Gar means home in Urdu, which is my husband's language because he's from Pakistan. And so It's Jamille Home, and it's the name of our wifi router, and now the name of our blog.

Tricia Clark [: 00:02:07

I love it, but when you think about it, it's perfect. Right? This was your healing journal, basically, that you're sharing with the world, which is pretty incredible and vulnerable. but it's all about what's taking place in your home in the middle of lockdown. Like, I can't really think of a better name. I think that's incredible. No matter how it started in terms of the wifi route, order name, but it's perfect. It really means so much and so close to what you do.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:02:32

Right. And honestly, I feel like it sums up the way that I feel about food and how I feel about entertaining and wanting to invite people to my table And I mentioned this on the about me part of our blog that I feel like there's so many conflicts that could be just resolved by sitting down and sharing a meal together and figuring out that we have more in common than we don't. And that was also another thing that I processed through during the lockdown with so much divisiveness happening. And so Jamil Garg had seemed fitting, so we stuck with it even though it's not super intuitive for a food blogging.

Tricia Clark [: 00:03:13

You know, as long as people find you and they love your food, I truly believe that we bring in the people we're meant to by the energy that we share and you're sharing that. And I'm so glad that we connected. We have so much in common when it comes to how we feel about food and how we feel about entertaining And to me, a shared meal really is. I call it the cornerstone of the home, but I don't just mean for my family or, like, the whole domesticated goddess concept to be when you said so many difficult conversations or conflicts can be solved around the table. It's so true. I mean, I would say 90% of our difficult conversations as a family start around the table because we're already breaking bread together. There's already common ground. There's already connection. There's already love communicated through that first bite of food. Right?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:04:03

Yep.

Tricia Clark [: 00:04:03

Well, we're already diving in, but I wanna back up for just a second because I love to start all of my interviews with a fun icebreaker question. Table topics are a big part of what I do to encourage families to connect and have different conversations at the table. And so I love hearing all the different answers. So your question today is if you could invite anyone, a live or deceased to dinner, who would it be and why?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:04:28

Can I cheat a little bit and have

Tricia Clark [: 00:04:29

2? Of course.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:04:31

Okay. So first of all, and we'll get into this a little bit later, but I would have my mom who passed away definitely at the meal, first off, because I miss her. But also, I think she would be really excited to know that I was sharing my recipes in the capacity that I am now. I think she'd be really proud and also she'd be proud of my cooking because She really saw it from the beginning and how absolutely horrific it was to what it's become and We've come a long way. And then the second person is Anthony Bourdain.

Tricia Clark [: 00:05:03

Oh, okay.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:05:05

Yeah. I love everything. about him, and he's so opposite of who I am as a person, but I love the way that he would sit down and communicate with people and really, like, get to the heart of their story. And he always went to, like, obscure places and small little, like, dives. And I'm so into that. And, like, when my husband and I travel, we love to go off the beaten path and find the little spot and talk to the locals and really get into their stories and hear why they started the restaurant and what their passion behind the meal and Anthony Bourdain just did that so well. And, also, he just had the coolest voice and communication style.

Tricia Clark [: 00:05:48

And you're right. I think he he shared that it's about really connecting with people versus I so and so the most prestigious restaurant, it is about the connections that you make through food and then those stories because so often when you go to those smaller communities you're off the beaten path. Those businesses are more a labor of love and their livelihood. they're not just in it for the business. They're in it because they wanna share that love to their food, and they have something special and unique. They feel they have to offer. And I think that's pretty incredible. And you tap into that with what you're sharing in your blog, which is pretty incredible, which leads me to my next question. Tell me a little bit about your journey as a self taught home chef and how it led you to create this food blog. I know you've told us a little bit, but tell me about your journey as a self taught chef. What inspired you to get started on that journey?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:06:44

Like I said, mainly it was my head that who kinda just pushed me into the -- technology aspect because he's always like, we need to make this more convenient, and technology is always more convenient. So we're going there. But going back to how I taught myself how to cook. We just didn't cook in our home and bless my mom, bless my stepdad. They really tried. And the interesting thing is that my stepdad went to culinary school at one point in his journey. He did a lot of different jobs out of college, but he went to culinary school. And I don't know if it was, like, the lack of income because we grew up pretty I would say pretty poor. We were at poverty range, so that was probably part of it. And then we also lived in a very rural area. and so access to fresh foods, access to food in general just let us to cook everything out of a box. I joke with people and say that I didn't have, like, fresh vegetables until I was sixteen, and I started buying them on my own because I was like, I have to play softball, and I need to be healthy, and I can't keep eating frozen and boxed foods only. And so that kinda where my journey began. I got my own little, like, mini fridge and put it in my bedroom when I was sixteen and started buying my own groceries because I wanted to eat salad and fresh fresh food instead of, you know, everything out of a can or a box. And I'm not knocking any of obviously it nourished me most of my life, but that's kinda where my story began.

Tricia Clark [: 00:08:15

So -- Okay. That's so interesting. So I was a very picky eater a kid and everything I ate was in canned or in a box. And it wasn't because my mom didn't cook or wasn't a good cook, but I wouldn't eat anything that she cooked. And so my journey to teaching myself how to cook didn't start till I was in my monies. I don't even think I had fresh vegetables, so that was in my twenties. Not because they weren't available, but because I was too stubborn to try them.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:08:38

So you would have loved my house.

Tricia Clark [: 00:08:40

I probably. Yeah. kids cuisine and spaghettios, man, and I lived on this.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:08:46

That's what we ate. Primarily, like, heavier helper. We at least had spaghettty Once a week. I call them white blood tacos because it's just like that ground beef. You know? Yeah. This evening, hard shell. We have that at least once a week. So, anyway, not knocking their food. It was tasty. It was what they could provide. but I just wanted to experiment and see what was out there. And so I started cooking for myself, and that was around the same time I was getting towards the end of high school and then transitioning into college. I moved down on my own when I was eighteen. Got my first department and really started trying to cook, and that was also the onset of Pinterest. And so I got very lucky that the timing logged up there. And so I got to try all these cool recipes, and I failed at most of them. And My sisters are probably gonna listen to this podcast, and they'll be laughing because they tasted all my atrocities that I quote unquote created. And so yeah. And then as I just kept trying and failing, and failing again, I started to find kind of like a a rhythm. And then I started working with international students post college got to meet people from all over the world. That's actually how I was introduced to my husband who's from Pakistan. and started tasting international cuisine. And I was like, wow. There's really more than hamburger to help her out there. And I wanna taste all of it. And so, yeah, I just dived into other cuisines and learning how to cook from my friends from all over the world. It tapped into a part of me creatively that I didn't know existed, and I didn't know wanted to come out. And I feel like that's how I get to express my artistic side is through food and cooking food from all over the world.

Tricia Clark [: 00:10:44

I feel that to my soul. for growing up a picky eater and getting a late start on cooking. Like, to me, exploring all those world flavors is where it's at. And when you're traveling and you're eating with the local people, like, you just really do get a different sense and a different meaning It's also just incredibly interesting, I think, to learn about all the different spices and combinations and how some foods can be very similar and yet very different. My husband and I were just joking around last night about the fact that we were eating, like, what you might consider a a sheet pan chicken euro. And I was like, you know what? These are really just the great version of a fajita. Right? And as you think about across cuisines, a lot of things have a lot of similarity, but it's the combinations of the spices they use that really end up changing it. And I think we have a tendency to just really make it over complicated When you think stir fry, you think Asian, well, again, kind of their version of a fajita without the wrap. Right? Like, everybody has a version that's something similar. And then they're called something different, so they sound so intimidating.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:11:57

Right. Well, and that's the funny part of running kind of an international blog. and exposing my primarily, I would say a lot of my subscribers to my blog are actually from the Midwest. And judging from the names, I would guess probably white. And so I think that was, like, some of the hesitation of a lot of my friends to make my recipes because they're like, that looks so complicated. I'm like, no. It's really not. If you just start cooking it, it's similar to stuff you've made your entire life. It just has different spices. And once you I mean, that's the hardest hurdle as acquiring all the spices and stuff like that. Yeah.

Tricia Clark [: 00:12:35

I'm a big fan of I mean, I love to make my own, but I also recognized there was a time in my life with young children and recognized that for many of my clients and the people I speak to, Those pre made spice blends are great in a pinch. Don't go out and buy 20 different spices the first time you've made curry. Like, don't do it. You don't even know if you like it yet. Right? I love to cook Moroccan food. And so, like, Tajine is just really kind of it's a vessel, but it's also kind of another word for stew. Right? And so We put all these fancy words to it, and then we're like, oh, beef. Yeah. It's delicious, and it has its French name, but it's stew with red wine.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:13:11

Right.

Tricia Clark [: 00:13:11

And I think we can really simplify it for people, but I think we've taken some simple things and made them sound really complicated.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:13:19

That's true.

Tricia Clark [: 00:13:21

So on that vein, what is one of your favorite international dishes or culinary experience that you think everyone should try at least once in their lifetime? Oh, goodness.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:13:32

That's a good question. I mean, my favorite thing to cook And my favorite thing to learn how to cook was probably Pakistani Karahi, which is a tomato chicken curry. We'll just put it. That's like the best way to put it. Yeah. It's just a base of, like, the cooking down tomatoes very slowly, and normally a lot of, like, especially Indian curries, Pakistani curries, South South Asian curries, they start with onions, garlic, and ginger. And then you add tomatoes. If you want to, a car high is very specific because it's primarily tomato, and that's where you get most of the flavor. And so you really just, like, slow cooked down those tomatoes until they become just a sauce, essentially. and then you add your spices, you add your chicken, or in our family, we do a lot of goat or lamb.

Tricia Clark [: 00:14:29

I love braised Goat. I know people are probably like, oh, yes. Try

Tressa Jamil [: 00:14:33

it. I know I never ate it growing up. I was never exposed to it until I was in my late twenties, but now it's, like, something that I eat all the time, and it's so funny to watch my kids who are obviously half a Hoffeka Sandy, and they just go into town. Like, that's, like, their favorite. They just dig in there with their bread and eat their gum curry.

Tricia Clark [: 00:14:55

Oh, that's amazing. Okay. So pronounce it for me, pronounce it for us again?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:15:00

It's Pakistani Karahi Karahi.

Tricia Clark [: 00:15:03

And also everybody try car high, and don't be afraid to try Goat.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:15:07

And it could be pronounced cut high.

Tricia Clark [: 00:15:10

Like, put the d in

Tressa Jamil [: 00:15:11

there as well, just depending on because, you know, India and Pakistan, there's so many different variations of the same dish, but that's the pronunciation.

Tricia Clark [: 00:15:21

I I love that. now I'm gonna have to try it. You're gonna send me a recipe. Maybe we could post a recipe for that in the show notes.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:15:28

Yes. Let's do it.

Tricia Clark [: 00:15:29

Perfect. Alright. So for me, cooking can often be a form of self care. I find it both therapeutic and challenging. How has your relationship with food evolved over the years and how has it helped you cope with some of those difficult moments such as the loss of your mom and health struggles?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:15:46

ng my mom. She passed away in: 2018

Tricia Clark [: 00:18:09

would you say that food has kind of been one of your ways to commune Kate then when you can't use words.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:18:15

Mhmm. I didn't realize it until I started the food blog. And I was like, why am I so focused on this? Like, what what drives me to keep putting out these recipes and what drives me to keep sitting at my computer and trying to work on my food photography and all these things because I don't really make money right now full disclosure. This is just a passion project, you know, that's working towards that. But I realized in the process that I didn't know how to tell my family I loved them. in the way that I had, but by sharing this meal that I Slaved over and I put intentionality into and I thought about it and I thought about what they love and I thought about what they didn't love, and I was able to create this plate for them. and in my own way, share my love with them through food has been really healing, has been a way to communicate when I felt like I didn't top of the words anymore.

Tricia Clark [: 00:19:10

an email. I lost my mother in: 2016

Tressa Jamil [: 00:20:58

Yeah.

Tricia Clark [: 00:20:59

And along that process, I discovered that I wanted to create something different, but it was still very much. It started out as a way to as a way to honor her and heal and work through that process.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:21:10

And

Tricia Clark [: 00:21:10

so it's amazing that food can be that, and food just gets unfortunately labeled as good or bad and kind of gets a bad wrap, and it really can be a healing and meditative process. Like, it's a huge part of my self care I gather from what we talk about. A huge part of yours as well.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:21:28

Yeah. I mean, then my husband's really into running, and he always talks about, people ask him, like, how do you have the time to run? And he's like, well, I prioritize it because I care about it because, like, it matters to me, and it matters to my body. And I feel better when I run because he he runs a lot. He'll run, like, he's, like, a runner- run And so he sets aside the hour or 2 to go running and that confuses people. And I feel like the same has been true for me with cooking. is a lot of my friends who are also moms of young children are like, how do you have the time? And to be honest, there's nights that I don't. But when I do, it is a form of self care. It's setting aside at this time to to prioritize something that matters to me that feels good to me that's nourishing to me. And then, obviously, I get to nourish my family as well, and that's that's a bonus.

Tricia Clark [: 00:22:20

Right. I mean, how cool is it to find not only a hobby, but something you're passionate that you love that feels good to you. Right? It is part of you taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. but that also benefits your family. I found that most of my hobbies have fallen that way, but whether it's scrapbooking or crafting or cooking, like, traveling, like, all of my hobbies in some way shape form light me up first, but they also all have benefited my family. I haven't necessarily had to make the choice to deprioritize them to do what lights me up, which is beautiful. Alright. A couple more questions and we're gonna tie this up, but I really think we're gonna have to do a part 2. I really think we're gonna have to do a part 2. I feel like we have more to talk about when it comes to international food. But I wanna ask you one more question, and then I really want you to tell us where everybody can get in touch with you, hang out with you, follow you, all that stuff on your blog. So how would you I mean, you're you really cover the importance of trying unfamiliar recipes and embracing cooking as that form of art and creativity. what are a couple of tips you would give others to encourage them to be adventurous in the kitchen, explore those new flavors and cuisines without the intimidation?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:23:31

Absolutely. That's a good question. I think my biggest recommendation, and this comes down to maybe my philosophy about food in general, is to find a friend. like, find a friend that is from a different culture than you find a friend who grew up in a different area of town than you because chances are they cooked meals that you haven't made, and there's something that that lights them up when they you ask them, what's your favorite meal that your family is Whether they're, you know, from Saudi Arabia or they're from Sacramento, like, there's something that their family has made that makes them excited. and make that thing. And I feel like that's been the most useful tool.

Tricia Clark [: 00:24:16

Mhmm.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:24:17

Is just working side by side with somebody. And I know that that's not always possible. This isn't like something that you would do on a Tuesday when you have soccer practice or whatever. But but really prioritizing relationships that you do have and being like, hey. Can you teach me how to cook that thing that your family really loves to make. And I've learned so many cool recipes that way. But beyond that, I love cooking through cookbooks, and that's kinda where I started. And so I just found Countries that I was like, maybe I wanna travel there. And this was prior to meeting my husband. And, obviously, after meeting him, I was like, Man, I should probably learn how to cook Indian food. But even prior to that, I would find the cookbook and I would be like, hey. I wanna go to this country one day. I really love the flavors from this kind of cuisine. I'm gonna try to cook through this cookbook, and that's what really got me started on that. but I think just finding a friend who will teach you. And I'm really lucky to live with my mother-in-law and my in laws live with us in our home. And so she gets to teach me all the tips and tricks of how to really cook authentic Pakistani and Indian food, and that's really cool because I feel like you get that relationship piece and you get to hear why that particular recipe is significant. because one thing I've learned in the food blogging world, especially making international recipes as a white lady, is that people are very passionate about That's good. And so you wanna try to walk that line of being very respectful and honoring of the meals that you're making and not appropriating the food that you're putting out into the world, but really appreciating it and highlighting the story behind it and why that particular dish was significant to them. And I feel like that kinda takes the intimidation away. Yeah. When you learned that they cooked this particular curry because at that time, they didn't have a lot of resources. And so this is what they could scrape together, and they were so resourceful with this spice and that spice to make this particular dish. It's like, Man, we all feel that way sometimes. We're we're just trying to pull ingredients together to make something delicious. And I don't know. It just I think the stories are what really inspire me to get creative with international food.

Tricia Clark [: 00:26:41

I couldn't agree more. Well, if you don't have a friend for you listeners, Find a blog that you trust that looks interesting like Jamil Ghar. Follow a blog and don't be afraid to try and experiment. The worst thing that happens is it sucks and you pull a frozen pizza out of the freezer. It's not the end of the world. It's an experiment and even bad food create stories.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:27:02

Yes. and I failed a ton cooking international cuisine.

Tricia Clark [: 00:27:07

I mean, the good thing is the first time you try it, you have no idea what it's supposed to taste like. So you don't know if you failed or not.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:27:12

That's true. Usually, I have tried it before I attempt to cook it because I wanna know what it does taste like. So I just might've hit the mark or not.

Tricia Clark [: 00:27:20

Yeah. Well, you have an end in your house to help you do that, which is one

Tressa Jamil [: 00:27:24

of the things I made recently that I failed really bad at. I can't even remember what they're called, but they're like those cheesy breads. from Bruce.

Tricia Clark [: 00:27:32

A little Brazilian cheesy breads. Yeah. They're not easy.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:27:35

No. I made them, and they came out so horrific. So even I try things and They fail miserably. So if I have a Brazilian friend that's listening, come teach me. But, yes, we do have a lot of international Russ appears on our blog. And if you're interested, I'm a big proponent of sharing resources. So I know a lot of bloggers from different cultures who specialize in, like, Chinese food, Korean cuisine that I would love to send you their blogs as well because They've been a wealth of knowledge and resources for me too. So Jamilgar does have a lot of recipes, but I have a lot of other food blogging friends that I can get people connected to too.

Tricia Clark [: 00:28:17

Alright. Well, tell everybody where they can follow you and where you hang out? Like, how should they best get in touch with you? Is it just following your blog? And, yeah, I think the other only question I had for you is, as a food blogger and recipe developer, what are your goals for this podcast? What's the impact you hope to make in the culinary work? What's your last thoughts you wanna leave us with besides where to follow you?

Tressa Jamil [: 00:28:43

So, yeah, I'll answer the question first, and then I'll tell you guys where to follow me. I think, like I said, obviously, it does help me to get people to come to my blog. So there is a business angle, obviously, to to coming on blogs and share or coming on podcasts and sharing. But beyond that, I don't want people to just come to my blog and and make my recipes, which, like, I know that that's what people do. I do that also. You print out the recipe. You don't interact with it that much. But when you come to Jeville Gar, like, I want you to get the feeling that every meal that I've posted on there has been eaten by somebody in my world. It's been shared at my table. It's been laughed over. It's been on occasion, fought over, and I brought some of these meals to my neighbors because I made too much. My cul de sac loves me being a food blogger because they just really benefit from the leftovers. But, yeah, that I think is I I want people to get a feeling of home when they come to Jamogar, which goes along with the name. Like, I want you to feel like, you're a part of the Jamilgar community and really feel like you do have a seat at the table. And I know that's so corny, and I'm sure that food bloggers all say that, but I I really do feel that way. I'm not just, like, mass producing recipes just to make Google love me, although I wish it would love me more. It they are really meals that I've shared with my family and my friends, and hopefully with your listeners as well.

Tricia Clark [: 00:30:17

Absolutely. Alright. Well, to everybody else where they can find you, and then we'll keep everyone posted on part 2 because I still have so many questions.

Tressa Jamil [: 00:30:26

Definitely follow us on the blog jamilgar.com and check the show notes for spelling because it is an interesting spelling. And then I'm also on social media. I'm on Instagram, Facebook. I post a lot of my recipes on WIS If you guys are familiar with that, it's a popular recipe sharing website. And then if you visit our blog, there is a to subscribe. And I do have a newsletter where I share sometimes tips and tricks. Sometimes I noticed that an instant pot's going on sale and That's really a useful tool for me. I'll send out a link and say, hey. Buy this while it's on sale, but I do share recipes for upcoming events. things that might be coming up in my world, things that are coming up, you know, holidays, stuff like that. Jamilgar is probably the best way to find me, and I'm always ready for emails and messages through that as well.

Tricia Clark [: 00:31:19

Right. Thank you so much for joining us. I can't wait to chat with you again. And Really, thank you for sharing your heart and your passion for what you're doing with everyone who's listening. It really comes through in your voice and what you do. And I really feel like we can heal the world one meal of time.