Episode 13

Navigating Life's Chaos: Tips for Intentional Living with Christy Holt

Authenticity is key to creating a fulfilling life, and in this enlightening conversation, Christy Holt, the Happiness Hussy, shares her insights on how to embrace your true self. As we approach a new year, she emphasizes the importance of setting intentions rather than rigid goals, allowing individuals to focus on how they want to show up in their daily lives. Christy discusses the impact of good girl conditioning on women, often leading to self-neglect and people-pleasing behaviors. By prioritizing self-care and self-love, listeners can not only transform their own lives but also positively influence their families and relationships. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that genuine joy and connection start from within, encouraging everyone to step into their authentic selves and create a life filled with happiness and abundance.

Christy Holt, known as the Happiness Hussy, joins the podcast to discuss the power of authenticity and intentional living, especially as we approach the new year. Christy emphasizes the importance of self-nourishment in the realms of mental, emotional, and spiritual health, asserting that when we take care of ourselves, we can better support our families and loved ones. The conversation shifts to the pressures of New Year's resolutions and the common tendency to focus on goals rather than intentions. Christy advocates for setting intentions instead, which encourage us to be present and mindful in our daily actions rather than fixating on distant outcomes. She explains the difference between pursuing happiness as a destination versus embodying it in the present moment, urging listeners to embrace their authentic selves and make choices aligned with their values.

A significant theme throughout the discussion is the societal conditioning that many women face, which often leads to people-pleasing behaviors and self-neglect. Christy recalls her own journey through relationships and motherhood, highlighting the realization that true happiness stems from self-acceptance and self-love. She encourages listeners to engage in practices like gratitude and mindfulness, which foster a deeper connection to oneself and facilitate a more fulfilling life. The episode culminates in Christy's insights on how to cultivate a nurturing environment for families, emphasizing that the energy we bring into our homes can significantly influence our relationships and overall family dynamics.

Takeaways:

  • Authenticity is the key to creating a life filled with joy and connection.
  • Setting intentions rather than goals can help you embrace your true self.
  • Practicing gratitude allows you to focus on the abundance you already have.
  • The journey of self-discovery involves unlearning societal conditioning and embracing your wholeness.
  • Self-care is not selfish; it's essential for nurturing relationships with others.
  • Creating a positive environment during mealtimes can foster deeper connections with your family.

Links referenced in this episode:

Transcript
Host:

Welcome back to Mealtime Magic and Mayhem.

Host:

Today, I'm super excited to introduce Christy Holt, also lovingly known as the Happiness Hussy and Adventure Guide.

Host:

She is a relationship mentor, podcast host, speaker, and author who empowers women to embrace their authentic selves, reclaim their power, and consciously create lives filled with joy, love, and adventure.

Host:

I love that we share so many of the same values.

Host:

And as we step into:

Host:

Even so, she's here to guide us through how authenticity and all of that can ripple out into every aspect of our lives.

Host:

So, Christy, welcome to the podcast.

Host:

And I can't wait.

Host:

I've been waiting to have this conversation with you.

Christy Holt:

Yes, I am super excited to be here.

Christy Holt:

Thank you for that lovely introduction.

Christy Holt:

And for those of you who I haven't had the chance to meet yet, I'm Christie.

Christy Holt:

I call myself the Happiness Hussy.

Christy Holt:

That's a whole story, and, you know, it's quite fun.

Christy Holt:

And the reason that I took on that title is because I'm on a mission to spread happiness throughout the planet.

Christy Holt:

Like, that is my purpose and my passion.

Christy Holt:

So I am here to spread the love and the joy.

Christy Holt:

And I believe that authenticity is often the missing link.

Christy Holt:

So let's just tease that.

Host:

Okay, so, you know, it's.

Christy Holt:

We've.

Host:

nto a new year, stepping into:

Host:

But that New year also comes with a lot of pressure, right?

Host:

We start taking on whether it's New Year's resolutions or setting all the goals and the vision boards, which I love a good vision board, and I love setting.

Host:

But with that comes a lot of pressure, right?

Host:

And how do you encourage women to really embrace their authentic selves instead of getting caught up in all those unrealistic expectations and basically all.

Host:

All the bullshit that comes with all the pressure?

Christy Holt:

Oh, man.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

I actually just recorded an episode, sort of on this topic, of New Year's resolutions, because I think it's looking at the wrong thing.

Christy Holt:

It's focusing on the wrong thing.

Christy Holt:

And so I am a big proponent of intention setting rather than goal setting.

Christy Holt:

The shift here is a subtle one, but it makes a huge impact because goals are very outcome Oriented, right.

Christy Holt:

And they place your, your feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment at the end.

Christy Holt:

Whereas intention settings is about how you are showing up, how you are being and the way that you're moving through your life.

Christy Holt:

It's about the journey rather than that destination which, which allows you then to create the experiences along the way that help you to feel fulfilled and happy and, you know, successful.

Christy Holt:

Rather than having to wait until some future time.

Christy Holt:

We kind of were chatting beforehand about, you know, we only have this now moment.

Christy Holt:

Like we literally only have this now moment.

Christy Holt:

And in 10 minutes it will be now then.

Christy Holt:

Right?

Christy Holt:

So if we can't master this intention of showing up and feeling and experiencing the way that we choose to, which might be happiness, might be peace, it might be joy, it might be bliss, it might be abundance, whatever that you know, you're after.

Christy Holt:

If we can't master being and feeling that now, we are going to end up on a perpetual chase with not a lot of fun along the way and then a very temporary, short lived experience of what we're looking for when we get that outcome.

Christy Holt:

And then we'll be on to the next thing.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

That is such a common way of going about it is we're aiming towards, you know, we'll talk about relationship.

Christy Holt:

You're aiming to have this perfect relationship, you know, marriage and the, the house and the picket fence and the 2.5 kids.

Christy Holt:

And a lot of people get there and they're like, oh shit, like I thought I'd be happier, right?

Christy Holt:

I have everything I thought I wanted.

Christy Holt:

Something's still missing.

Christy Holt:

The thing that's missing is actually you and your authentic self showing up.

Christy Holt:

So that is.

Christy Holt:

Now we're right back into the authentic self thing.

Christy Holt:

But I, I truly believe that showing up as your authentic self is a thousand percent necessary if you want to create a life that you really like.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Where you can feel happy and at peace and feel joy and have abundance and success.

Christy Holt:

Not.

Host:

I love that perspective.

Host:

So as we talk about shifting that to intention, how do you feel about the trend of like picking your word for the year versus like a New Year's resolution?

Christy Holt:

Yeah, that I have typically been doing this myself over the last number of years.

Christy Holt:

Either a word or a phrase or.

Christy Holt:

Well, actually I have mine right here.

Christy Holt:

I as I'm an author and a speaker, I'm a words kind of gal.

Christy Holt:

And so my vision board has, it has one picture of Bora Bora on it and a bunch of words.

Christy Holt:

But this was my, my words.

Christy Holt:

I had a couple of them for last year was focused on Abundance.

Christy Holt:

And for me abundance is freedom.

Christy Holt:

So you know, freedom across areas, health, wealth and success.

Christy Holt:

Creating freedom, ultimately that's the experience that I'm after.

Christy Holt:

And so I have this right beside my desk where I sit often as that reminder along the journey, right?

Christy Holt:

Because it's not like oh well, I'll be successful when no, I'm intentionally creating the experience of and the feeling of success for and within myself right now.

Christy Holt:

Because that is actually what will carry me along the journey and keep me moving towards it.

Christy Holt:

I mean, the problem is, is a lot of us, we have this idea of this outcome we want so we have this goal.

Christy Holt:

We then spend a lot of time trying to figure out how exactly to get to the goal.

Christy Holt:

And a lot of us stay stuck in analysis paralysis.

Christy Holt:

And I've done this for years where I wanted to have the whole thing friggin mapped out before I got started.

Christy Holt:

And what that was really missing was the intention behind the experience of creating, right?

Christy Holt:

And so to me it's so much more powerful to choose or to decide this is the intention that I'm going to set and then show up with that, right?

Christy Holt:

Choosing actions that align with that intention rather than, you know, just shooting for some end destination.

Christy Holt:

This allows you to actually flow with the journey.

Christy Holt:

Because we all know life is gonna life and the humans around us are gonna human.

Christy Holt:

And you know what, you can have the perfect plan, but it is not likely gonna go that way.

Christy Holt:

So it's kind of futile and a waste of energy to try and figure it all out in advance.

Christy Holt:

It's much more powerful to just be in the now moment, set the intention how I want to be and then navigate, navigate through life, you know, whatever comes up, dealing with that and then moving through and then moving on, right?

Christy Holt:

There's going to be detours, there's going to be roadblocks, there are going to be all kinds of circumstances that you are gonna have to adjust for.

Christy Holt:

That's just the way it is.

Christy Holt:

And I don't know about anybody else out there, but if you're a perfectionist, you trying to be perfect all the time.

Christy Holt:

I know you've come up against this and yet maybe you're still trying to have that illusion of perfection.

Christy Holt:

So invitation, just permission slip to just set it down, to be present in the moment, to sit with the intention of how do I wanna show up, right?

Christy Holt:

And what is the experience I wanna create?

Christy Holt:

So mine again was freedom.

Christy Holt:

So how can I in my daily actions create for myself the experience of freedom?

Christy Holt:

And when I do that then wow, like Honestly, creative things just come to me and the next step becomes very clear in the moment.

Christy Holt:

Okay, now I take this step, and then when I take that step now I have more information, and then I can take the next step.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

But it really does come back to starting with that decision, like, what is the intention?

Christy Holt:

So let's give.

Host:

Maybe you can give a specific example.

Host:

Right.

Host:

Because authenticity can feel scary.

Christy Holt:

It feels scary.

Host:

It's very vulnerable.

Host:

Especially when we've spent years playing roles or prioritizing others or that.

Host:

That strive for perfection.

Host:

Right.

Host:

It's very scary to.

Host:

I think sometimes we even forget, like, who.

Host:

Who is my authentic self?

Host:

Like, do I even know anymore?

Host:

How is she supposed to show up?

Host:

So as you say, like, abundance means freedom to you, and you set yourself up for that, to live in that space.

Host:

Day.

Host:

Give me an example of something that you do.

Host:

So you're in this pursuit of freedom, but how do you, let's say today, what's one thing you do to.

Host:

To put yourself in that space?

Christy Holt:

I would say that the biggest thing for me to maintain that space is gratitude, really.

Christy Holt:

Focusing on the abundance that I have now already, rather than focusing on the abundance that I'm seeing, seeking, or wanting that I don't yet have.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Because that actually lands you in the experience of lack and of not having.

Host:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

And of wanting.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Rather than the experience of having, which I don't know about you, but if you could choose between wanting and the feeling and, you know, feeling behind desiring something and not having it and the feeling of being grateful for what you have, I think you could tell which one would feel better in the.

Christy Holt:

In the moment in your body.

Host:

Well, we all know that thoughts create things, right?

Host:

So the more we're thinking in that space of lack, guess what?

Host:

We're creating more lack.

Host:

More space of lack.

Host:

Like, we're bringing in the thing that we're thinking so hard about.

Host:

And it's so easy to fall in that hole of need, that need and want versus attract.

Host:

Right.

Christy Holt:

It's.

Host:

It's so easy when the weight of things.

Host:

So what advice do you have for.

Host:

For our listeners who are ready to, like, start peeling back those layers and showing up as their true selves.

Christy Holt:

Okay, well, I want to sort of preface this with the fact that the good girl conditioning is so prevalent everywhere we've all been.

Christy Holt:

Okay, maybe not all, but a great majority of women have been conditioned to be nice.

Christy Holt:

Right?

Christy Holt:

To be agreeable, to be the nurturer above all else.

Christy Holt:

Now, little boys and men are conditioned with different things.

Christy Holt:

I Don't know.

Christy Holt:

If you have a lot of men in your audience, they typically are more.

Christy Holt:

More about winning, right?

Host:

About hold back your emotions, don't cry, don't show weakness.

Christy Holt:

Stoic.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

And this is their.

Christy Holt:

Their version of strength, quote, unquote, strength.

Christy Holt:

I actually don't believe that at all because I believe being vulnerable is a strength and strong.

Christy Holt:

But this conditioning is often what really prevents us from showing up as our authentic self.

Christy Holt:

And so to be your authentic self, to me, often it's less about becoming someone else.

Christy Holt:

Although that is a lot of the marketing that you'll see and don't love.

Christy Holt:

A lot of the industries out there that are speaking to women, teaching them that they are too old, too big, too too small, too ugly, too wrinkly, too gray hair, whatever.

Christy Holt:

Teaching you that you're not enough.

Christy Holt:

This is that lack mindset, like really locked in.

Christy Holt:

Because these marketers have done an amazing job at telling you where you lack so that you'll buy their products.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

And so with this conditioning, we are often basically operating out of this desire for validation and acceptance.

Christy Holt:

And we think that we need to be all of these things in order to have it right.

Christy Holt:

So we often tuck away our authentic self, hiding away the bits.

Christy Holt:

And this often comes from early childhood when someone told you you were too loud or too much or too whatever.

Host:

I've never heard those things before.

Christy Holt:

No, never.

Christy Holt:

Hey, no.

Christy Holt:

And also sometimes simultaneously, often too much, too little, both of those things, like, not good enough and also too much.

Christy Holt:

So it's.

Christy Holt:

Yeah, it's an interesting, you know, place to navigate.

Christy Holt:

And so much of the guidance is to become someone else.

Christy Holt:

Like, you have to, you know, constantly fix yourself.

Christy Holt:

And I don't believe that we're broken, and I don't believe that we need fixing.

Christy Holt:

What I believe is that we are all already whole.

Christy Holt:

Yes, you, dear listener, you are also already whole.

Christy Holt:

And when we shift our perspective away from this endless hamster wheel of self improvement or even healing in that way of like, the fixing, and start operating from this place of wholeness, you start to see that you are unique and magnificent, magnificently special, just as you are.

Christy Holt:

And this expression of yourself actually comes more from an unlearning and a stripping.

Host:

Away than it does unlearning.

Host:

I love that word.

Host:

I think that's a great way to put it is an unlearning and a deconditioning and unlearning.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

And so it's like taking away what's not you.

Christy Holt:

It's taking away the.

Christy Holt:

The responses that you've had in regards to those past traumas that have told you, you're too much, you're not enough.

Christy Holt:

And really just coming back to, like, well, who am I?

Christy Holt:

And I'll.

Christy Holt:

I'll tell you a little brief story about when I was in my second marriage.

Christy Holt:

I was suffering from what I lovingly at the time called justomomitis.

Christy Holt:

Those of you who are moms, I hope that you know that there is nothing just about being a mother, okay?

Christy Holt:

Because parenting is, like, the hardest gig on the planet.

Christy Holt:

It.

Christy Holt:

They are our greatest teachers and also our biggest challenges.

Christy Holt:

They definitely, you know, they create growth in us whether we want to or whether we admit that or not.

Christy Holt:

Okay?

Christy Holt:

So, you know, parenthood is.

Christy Holt:

There's nothing, like, just about it at all.

Christy Holt:

But when I was in that spot, I really remember feeling like I didn't really matter outside of those roles.

Christy Holt:

I was a wife, and I was a mother, and I was a homemaker, and I did have my own side business, but I was just labels.

Christy Holt:

And I at one point, really just started to wonder, like, okay, these are all my labels, but, like, who am I?

Christy Holt:

Who.

Christy Holt:

Who is Christie?

Christy Holt:

Not the mom, not the wife, not the homemaker, not the business owner, but, like, me, like, if you stripped all.

Host:

That away, what would I do?

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

And so I did this.

Christy Holt:

I had this really existential crisis.

Christy Holt:

While I didn't have all those labels, like, what would be left?

Christy Holt:

And I came to the conclusion that I am love.

Christy Holt:

So this was my.

Christy Holt:

From this state of wholeness, my conclusion that I am love.

Christy Holt:

To me, that's the energy.

Christy Holt:

That's our spirit, our soul, our beingness, our, you know, our essence.

Christy Holt:

And in order to come back to that, it was a process of unlearning.

Christy Holt:

It was a process of getting curious of, like, wait a minute, like, is this really me or is this what conditioning had me believe was me?

Christy Holt:

Is this just a coping mechanism?

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Based on a trauma response, something that I'm doing to, like, oh, hopefully people like me.

Christy Holt:

Oh, hopefully I can avoid conflict.

Christy Holt:

No, hopefully I can be good enough and successful enough to make.

Christy Holt:

Make it matter, make my existence matter.

Christy Holt:

And so being authentically yourself requires an inward journey, right?

Christy Holt:

This is getting curious, asking yourself questions and a real thick dose of self compassion.

Christy Holt:

Because a lot of the conditioning, this good girl stuff has conditioned us to believe that it's wrong and selfish to care for ourselves.

Christy Holt:

Right?

Christy Holt:

We're meant to put everyone else's needs ahead of our own.

Christy Holt:

That's the good girl nurturer, right?

Christy Holt:

And nice to be nice.

Christy Holt:

Actually, nice means Pleasing and agreeable.

Christy Holt:

Fuck that.

Christy Holt:

Respectfully, nice is so much better.

Christy Holt:

Because you know what?

Christy Holt:

When you're nice, you're not abandoning yourself.

Christy Holt:

I'm sorry.

Christy Holt:

When you're kind, you're not abandoning yourself.

Christy Holt:

When you're nice, typically, you're contorting yourself and abandoning your needs to make the other person happy.

Christy Holt:

Right?

Host:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

And so shifting into kindness means we can be loving towards other people without sacrificing being loving to ourselves.

Christy Holt:

And that is a really significant shift when it comes to our authentic expression to accept ourselves.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

To love ourselves.

Christy Holt:

Say, you know what?

Christy Holt:

This is who I am.

Christy Holt:

And out of 8.2 billion people, I'm the only me.

Christy Holt:

Right?

Host:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

This is actually magical.

Christy Holt:

You are magical, too.

Christy Holt:

You are the only one who has experienced what you have experienced.

Christy Holt:

You have a gift and a message to share with people that only you can.

Christy Holt:

And when you start to just sit with that, let that land, how incredible you are for having gone through what you have.

Christy Holt:

And we've all gone through some difficult things, some of us more difficult than others.

Christy Holt:

It's not.

Christy Holt:

It's not about the comparison.

Host:

Right.

Christy Holt:

But it is to recognize that we have had different journeys, and some have had it easier than us, and some have had it more difficult than us.

Christy Holt:

We've all been through stuff, most of us have been through a lot of stuff we did not deserve to go through.

Christy Holt:

And it's not your fault ever that you have gone through those difficult things or that you weren't equipped to deal with it.

Christy Holt:

And yet here we are in this now moment.

Christy Holt:

You have the power to decide to do something different.

Christy Holt:

You have the power to get off the hamster wheel of trying to always become better and to operate from the state of wholeness and then choose.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Intentional conscious creation.

Christy Holt:

What are you going to do with your human experience?

Host:

I love that.

Host:

So that kind of leads into my next because.

Host:

So we've.

Host:

We've peeled back the layers, right?

Host:

We've.

Host:

We've switched from nice to kind.

Host:

We're focusing on loving ourselves, which was one of my words for the year was self love and surrender.

Host:

That was the other one.

Christy Holt:

Oh, surrender is a good one.

Host:

That's a.

Host:

That's the hardest one for me.

Host:

That's the hardest one for me.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Host:

And so I want to talk a little bit about when.

Host:

When we get to that space.

Host:

Right.

Host:

I think to me, and.

Host:

And the way it relates to what I do in my business, because I.

Host:

I, like, I am the nurturer.

Host:

Right.

Host:

Like, that's sort of my.

Host:

That's where I Am too.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

And I, I love that space.

Host:

Not everybody is meant to be that.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And so, and, and nurturing doesn't have to equal people pleasing.

Host:

They can be very different things.

Host:

They can be done from a different space.

Host:

And my business was born of letting go of the perfectionism and seeking to shift the intention and the energy I brought to my family.

Host:

And it started with taking it easier on myself.

Host:

And that change in me shifted the energy and I brought something different then to the table.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And so when, when you become that authentic self, you are doing it for you.

Host:

But the ripple effect of that in how you choose to nurture or impact others is huge.

Host:

It changes the way you show up for your family, for the connections that you create at home.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Host:

Like it, it sounds selfish, but the truth is it opens up so much space for more.

Host:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

I mean, it's been said about a billion times you can't pour from an empty cup.

Christy Holt:

And this is a crucial message because that self care piece, though we've been taught most of our lives that it's selfish to put ourselves first.

Christy Holt:

I call bullshit.

Christy Holt:

Because the thing is, if you're depleted, resentful, frustrated and worn out, you are not going to be good at serving anyone.

Christy Holt:

Now your whole purpose isn't just to serve other people, but your purpose is to care for yourself so that from that overflow you will be able to give to those, those around you.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

We are not just individual people, despite what it sure seems like in today's society, that is sort of like us versus them and you versus me.

Christy Holt:

And like, you know, look out for number one.

Christy Holt:

And all of this, that's not getting us anywhere.

Christy Holt:

That is keeping us stuck in divisiveness and conflict.

Christy Holt:

The alternative is truly to care for yourselves so that you can then from overflow and abundance, give to those around you.

Christy Holt:

Bringing us all together.

Christy Holt:

Because we're all one.

Christy Holt:

We're all connected.

Christy Holt:

So you know, what we do for ourselves, we in fact are doing for others.

Christy Holt:

And so when we love ourselves, it's like loving ourselves, loving the people around us, loving the world.

Christy Holt:

And that's the least selfish thing that I think is possible.

Host:

Yeah, I agree.

Host:

The other thing that just kind of occurs to me as we're talking about this is as parents.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Host:

You and I are both parents.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Host:

When, if we continue to operate from that space of nice, of people pleasing, of conditioning, that's the message we're also passing on to our children.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

This is actually huge realization in my, in my marriage, I had been staying quote, unquote for the kids.

Christy Holt:

Because nobody wants to break up their family and get a divorce and do all of that.

Christy Holt:

Until I had sort of this realization, like, first of all, my parent, my, my kids didn't need a perfect parent.

Christy Holt:

Like, first of all, perfect doesn't exist.

Host:

Right.

Christy Holt:

So trying to aim for that.

Host:

No, we're all gonna send them to therapy for something.

Christy Holt:

We are, absolutely.

Christy Holt:

And I remember actually having a therapist and I was like, oh my gosh, like, I'm worried I'm gonna them up.

Christy Holt:

And she's like, you're gonna them up?

Christy Holt:

But like, don't worry because it's not like your fault.

Christy Holt:

It's just the human way, right.

Christy Holt:

We have trauma from the moment we're born, right?

Host:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

So, you know, we're all just doing the best that we can with the resources and understanding that we have.

Christy Holt:

And so if we can just remember that and if we can really just put our emphasis on how we are leading our kids.

Christy Holt:

My big aha essentially was, you know, not just the perfect parent thing, but also they're watching, they're not listening because, let's be honest, listening, not a children's strong suit.

Christy Holt:

At the time that I was kind of going through this divorce situation, my kids were sort of between 7 and 10 listening, not so much all boys, just chaos.

Christy Holt:

But I realized that they were watching and observing.

Christy Holt:

And the, the science shows, the research shows that the examples that you're setting are what your children are most likely to recreate in adulthood.

Christy Holt:

So your coping mechanisms, right, Your emotional intelligence, the way that you support and accept them, the way that you support and accept yourself, obviously, first and foremost, the way that you treat yourself, the way you treat the people around you, the dynamics that you have in your relationship.

Christy Holt:

And I came to the conclusion that, holy.

Christy Holt:

There was no way I wanted my kids to grow up and have a relationship like I was having.

Christy Holt:

It was terrifying to me.

Christy Holt:

And I was like, oh my God.

Host:

Like, I gotta go.

Christy Holt:

I.

Christy Holt:

Yeah, I was pretty much like, oh shit.

Christy Holt:

I don't, I can't do this.

Christy Holt:

I woo.

Christy Holt:

It was, it was a harsh reality to really swallow that, that big pill that if I did not choose myself and choose a different trajectory, that my kids most likely would grow up and recreate those unhealthy relationship dynamics with their future.

Christy Holt:

Whoever.

Christy Holt:

Partners, children, coworkers, bosses, whatever, subordinates at work, whoever they may interact with.

Christy Holt:

I just thought, oh yeah, I'm to do the work, right?

Christy Holt:

It's time to reparent myself and make choices that, that essentially me leading by example, that they would have a healthy model.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Example.

Christy Holt:

And just, you know, hold on with my fingernails and.

Christy Holt:

And pray that that is enough, because honestly, you know, we're all doing the best we can.

Host:

Yeah, we are.

Host:

We are.

Host:

I want to go back to something you said earlier with just Mom, Itis right where you're in that space where I'm.

Host:

These labels, and if I took all that away, who would I be?

Host:

I think there's that and there's the.

Host:

When we do that, we're almost depending on them for our own validation and appreciation.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And now we've made them responsible for our happiness.

Host:

And then we play the blame game because they're not doing the expectations that we didn't even tell them they were set up for.

Host:

Right.

Host:

So let's start with that.

Christy Holt:

So fun game.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And we're.

Host:

And we wonder why they don't want to talk to us and why they don't appreciate us.

Host:

I mean, I'm like, maybe it's because we're showing up or I was showing up like a shit show.

Host:

Right.

Christy Holt:

The prize of that game is.

Christy Holt:

Is resentment and frustration.

Christy Holt:

Yes.

Christy Holt:

Not a prize.

Host:

Not.

Host:

Yeah, nobody wins.

Host:

Nobody wins.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

And so I love that we're talking about because it is.

Host:

The way we show up has a huge ripple effect.

Host:

It.

Host:

It really does.

Host:

And a big theme of this conversation is around nourishing ourselves so that we can nourish others.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Host:

So give us some ways about how you personally nourish your own happiness and authenticity.

Host:

And.

Host:

And some of those I know we already talked about, like, the practice of gratitude, but what are some of the daily practices that help you stay grounded in that space that our listeners can take away?

Christy Holt:

Well, I would say that my.

Christy Holt:

My morning routine and a lot of moms especially struggle with this to have a nice morning routine that involves any space for themselves.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Again, we've been taught that it's selfish.

Christy Holt:

And so.

Christy Holt:

And also, we're tired, we're exhausted.

Christy Holt:

We're not sleeping as much as we maybe could be and.

Christy Holt:

And would like.

Christy Holt:

So when we're starting off tired, we tend to just hop into the day with no intention.

Christy Holt:

And so for me, things really shifted when I started practicing a morning meditation.

Christy Holt:

Now this.

Christy Holt:

Literally, moms out there, this can be three minutes.

Christy Holt:

Okay.

Christy Holt:

It's just about being intentional and creating some time and space that is just for you.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

This little bit of self care.

Christy Holt:

And yes, self care could be getting your nails done or having a bubble bath, but if those are more maintenance things that you just have to do to Keep up.

Christy Holt:

Then it's not self care, right then it's just, it's just doing things and going through the motions.

Christy Holt:

Having a shower because you haven't showered in four days is not exactly self care, although you can turn it, turn the experience into self care.

Christy Holt:

And so for me, my I, I call it a meditation because it is the, typically the first thing I do in the morning.

Christy Holt:

I'll, I'll be honest, there are some mornings where I get distracted on my phone before I get to it.

Christy Holt:

But I'm only human and so my intention is before I get out of bed.

Christy Holt:

I just spent some time looking at my intentions for the day and just creating space within myself.

Christy Holt:

What I've found is that the more that I meditate, and I don't mean the more by like sitting for six hours being perfectly quiet and still, not that at all.

Christy Holt:

In fact, I have a really fun meditation series that I created for people who are not good meditators, so, so if that's you, maybe I'll send the link to Trisha.

Host:

Oh, you're swearing Meditations.

Christy Holt:

Sweary meditations.

Host:

They're so fun.

Christy Holt:

They're, they're punchy, they're five minute quickies.

Christy Holt:

Cuz who doesn't love a quickie?

Christy Holt:

And they're just really a chance for you to focus on you.

Christy Holt:

And I find that when I take that time to just get right with myself, when I'm solid with myself, I'm solid with other people.

Christy Holt:

It helps me to ground into who I am so that I can feel confident going through my day and, and going after the intentions that I want.

Christy Holt:

Consciously creating the experiences that I desire instead of autopilot survival mode, thinking and reacting from past experiences and memories and traumas.

Christy Holt:

I'm choosing right here, now.

Christy Holt:

Okay, so this is happening.

Christy Holt:

I have choices, right?

Christy Holt:

I can argue with reality, as Byron Katie likes to say.

Christy Holt:

Like that is.

Christy Holt:

Well, you're not going to change it by arguing with it, are you?

Christy Holt:

You're just going to create suffering for yourself or you can choose how you want to respond to it.

Christy Holt:

And so I find that meditation has been an instrumental practice in just creating enough space so that I don't react and so that instead I can decide how I want to respond.

Christy Holt:

So that is probably for me the biggest, biggest tool that I've used.

Christy Holt:

But I have a ton of tools in my toolbox and there are things that you can use in all kinds of distant circumstances.

Christy Holt:

And breath is another one that closely relates to meditation.

Christy Holt:

I do use some breath work in my meditations as well, but the.

Christy Holt:

The point here is it doesn't have to be the same modality as anyone else.

Christy Holt:

No, this is really about finding something that feels really loving and nurturing for you and setting the intention of showing up for yourself first in the morning.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

And I've even, you know, anchors, like things that.

Host:

Things that mean, that are special to you.

Host:

Right.

Host:

I keep a little music box on my desk that reminds me of my mom.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And when I sit and look in that, you know, that meditation, that peace, those anchors, that grounding, it can really be anything that just helps you pause.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

It just creates some space.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

And when you have spaciousness now, you have space to choose.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

And so this is.

Christy Holt:

This is you standing in your power now that you're actually responding and consciously choosing versus the reaction coming from, you know, maybe someone pushing your buttons.

Christy Holt:

By the way, they're your buttons, so do that.

Christy Holt:

What you will.

Christy Holt:

I'll go into a talk about triggers, but I like to see them as activations.

Christy Holt:

And when you are in this spacious wholeness that is you, you can take more of an observer role.

Christy Holt:

And that's what I find.

Christy Holt:

The meditation really helps, is kind of just step back and just observe what's happening without immediately interacting and responding and reacting to it in the out of emotion, but out of a more conscious choice.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Like, yes, that's a great point.

Host:

Yeah, that's a great point.

Host:

I've even one of the practices I found interesting, and it's not something I practice all the time, but you know when you say observing from a different perspective.

Host:

Right.

Host:

I've even seen where you can.

Host:

Whatever it is that's bothering you, you're thinking about that you can't get out of your.

Host:

Your mind, pretend that you're holding it in your hand and like, literally it out here.

Host:

And what is it trying to tell you, right?

Host:

How.

Host:

How can you look at it from a objective perspective versus it being so much a part of you?

Host:

And so I feel I find that particularly interesting too.

Host:

Right.

Host:

There's a lot of different ways you can change that perspective.

Christy Holt:

I had a friend once say that I told her one thing that changed her life.

Christy Holt:

And I was, oh, you got to tell me what it is.

Christy Holt:

Well, she told me, and what I had told her was she had asked me, like, how do I go through life?

Christy Holt:

Like this chaos of people peopling and life lifing and just the general shit show that we're living in, like, how do you navigate this without losing your piece?

Christy Holt:

And I told her, I imagine, like, it's a movie, right?

Christy Holt:

Like I'm just, I'm just watching it play out and I don't have to be involved in it and I don't have to be the main character in all of it.

Christy Holt:

I'm only the main character in what I choose to be.

Christy Holt:

And so just creating, just like you said, just kind of creating that little bit of distance really gives you a different perspective.

Christy Holt:

And so for her that was very powerful.

Christy Holt:

She actually was sharing with me that she had gone on a, a trip with her mother in law who had not been always the, the hadn't been the best relationship, hadn't gone smoothly in the past.

Christy Holt:

But because she took this perspective like a little bit like that's okay, you gonna do you.

Christy Holt:

I'm just gonna sit back.

Christy Holt:

I'm gonna do me.

Christy Holt:

So this is actually really helpful.

Christy Holt:

You know, we're in holiday season here and into the new year.

Christy Holt:

Why not take a slightly different perspective to your interactions, right?

Christy Holt:

Why not sit with yourself and say like, how do I want to respond?

Christy Holt:

You know, and this is part of this is setting boundaries first, first within and for yourself.

Christy Holt:

Because we can, we could use some boundaries for ourselves oftentimes and then learning how to communicate and uphold those with other people's, that, that's just sort of building on the foundation of setting those boundaries for yourself.

Christy Holt:

So an example of setting a boundary for yourself is maybe you're not going to scroll endlessly on social media.

Christy Holt:

Maybe you're going to set a limit, right?

Christy Holt:

Maybe you're going to go to bed on time, whatever, whatever time that is for you, right?

Christy Holt:

Everybody's schedule is different.

Christy Holt:

But just setting these sort of little parameters and, and boundaries for yourself, maybe you're gonna not spend as much time around the people that drain your energy, right?

Christy Holt:

So setting and making some of these choices for yourself so that you can show up as your full self.

Christy Holt:

Listen, I don't believe that anything is out there that's not perceived in here.

Christy Holt:

And so the secret to having the life out there that you really truly want is starting within.

Christy Holt:

So happiness is not an outside job.

Christy Holt:

You're not going to just be happy because you have $10 million in a house on the beach.

Host:

Although that sounds nice, but no, that's gonna come with its own issues.

Christy Holt:

But a lot of people get there and realize they're still not happy.

Christy Holt:

So what I'm proposing as an alternative is like, let's make sure that when you get that 10 million in that house on the beach, that you're also happy, right?

Christy Holt:

So that you can Enjoy that experience rather than thinking like, oh, I did all this and I got where I thought I was going to go, and I still am not happy.

Christy Holt:

So really, just creating that happiness now, it starts within choosing to be happy.

Christy Holt:

And if you don't like the word happy, maybe peaceful or, you know, free or blissful, whatever word resonates most for you, you substitute that in.

Christy Holt:

Words are.

Christy Holt:

Words are interesting like that.

Christy Holt:

And we all have different takes on things, but it's not an outside job.

Christy Holt:

And so this is why I often say that you don't really have a relationship problem.

Christy Holt:

And a lot of people will be like, what?

Christy Holt:

Well, choose.

Christy Holt:

If you have an identity problem, it's you not knowing yourself, creating this dynamic around you.

Christy Holt:

And yes, I say that having been in a very unhealthy, unhappy relationship, I tolerated a lot of stuff, right?

Host:

It's the reminder that we get to choose.

Christy Holt:

And until I chose myself, until I chose a different result, until I decided, like, that's enough of that, things would have continued until I decided, and then they went on a different trajectory.

Christy Holt:

And that's not easy.

Christy Holt:

I know how not easy that is, but it's worth it.

Christy Holt:

Your happiness, you know, your happiness is actually your.

Christy Holt:

Your intended natural state of being.

Christy Holt:

It's not that you have to do or become something to experience that again.

Christy Holt:

It's that stripping away, which is about knock something off my desk here.

Christy Holt:

Oh, again, excited.

Christy Holt:

I was throwing hands all over here.

Christy Holt:

Everything's on the floor, but it's a stripping away of the stuff that's in the way.

Christy Holt:

It's a stripping away of the.

Christy Holt:

The pain and the suffering and the.

Christy Holt:

The judgment and, you know, the stories and all that extraneous stuff that is causing you to not be in your intended state of happiness.

Christy Holt:

Peace, love, joy.

Host:

Because I really love this conversation because it relates so much to.

Host:

Yes, it's the Mealtime Magic and Mayhem podcast, where, you know, I'm focusing on all the things to make meal time easier and more fun and more connected, mostly because that's the one rare time of the day that generally we have the chance to all be together.

Host:

And so really showing people and guiding people how they can show up differently to create those connections feeds so nicely into what you do that it's been such a joy to have you to really talk about that.

Host:

Because one of the things we focus on is how do you get to show up in the way that you want to, in a way that feels good, so that naturally changes the energy that you're bringing to the table, to the kitchen, to the food however you want to look at it.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And mealtime is often so much of where family life converges.

Host:

And I found in my own story, it did start with me, that it did have to start with that change.

Host:

There was no question.

Host:

And so I really love everything you've shared with us.

Host:

And for coming on to talk with us today, some really, really valuable insights.

Host:

Where can everybody connect with you, learn more about your work and soak up more of your happiness hussy wisdom?

Host:

And can we get the link for the sweary meditations for the show notes?

Christy Holt:

Yes, I will get that link and you can find out all about the happiness hussy about me and my.

Christy Holt:

My books and courses and free offers and all of the goodness.

Christy Holt:

My podcast, Create youe Happy on my website@coachkristy Holt.com it's all there on that hub.

Christy Holt:

And yeah, I just encourage you that if you're struggling with your kids, and a lot of us do feel like we're struggling with our kids, the solution isn't to wait for them to change.

Christy Holt:

The solution isn't to try and fix them.

Christy Holt:

The solution is to fix you.

Christy Holt:

And again, not really fixing.

Christy Holt:

Right.

Christy Holt:

But just refocusing your energy on your wholeness and operating from that place instead of like this endless healing, you get to just grow and evolve as the whole incredible human that you are.

Christy Holt:

And that allows you to take that, that love, that abundance, that freedom, that peace, that love, that joy, everything that's within you and create those incredible relationships, whether it be with your partner, your children, your extended family, your neighbors, your co workers, whoever it might be, even with other things like food and money and the government.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

Step back from that.

Host:

Meal time.

Host:

Oh, my God, I have to feed them.

Host:

Or the family situation, or I'm struggling with my kids.

Host:

And like you said, maybe it's not fixed, but step back and pretend like you're watching that movie.

Host:

And if you weren't involved in it, what would you notice?

Host:

Right.

Host:

What would you notice that could be tweaked or changed?

Host:

And we're not talking about building Rome in a day, Right.

Host:

We're looking for small changes.

Host:

Just that.

Host:

What is that, 1% every day?

Host:

Right.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

The compound effect, Right?

Host:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

And it, I mean, it's interesting.

Christy Holt:

We can change so much if we focus on the intention that we're setting.

Christy Holt:

So if you're looking at your dinner time with your family, what.

Christy Holt:

What do you want to create?

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

How do you want to feel when you sit down?

Christy Holt:

How do you want to feel?

Christy Holt:

What do you.

Christy Holt:

What do you want to.

Christy Holt:

What do you want to talk about?

Christy Holt:

What kind of connection do you want to build with your children?

Christy Holt:

And oftentimes we can get really distracted and off of.

Christy Holt:

Off that intention very easily because it.

Christy Holt:

Oh, someone's complaining about the meal.

Christy Holt:

Oh, my God.

Christy Holt:

Every day that's somebody, you know, they're.

Christy Holt:

They don't like it.

Christy Holt:

It's too cooked.

Christy Holt:

It's too not cooked.

Christy Holt:

I don't know.

Christy Holt:

You know, there's just always something that takes us off or like kids going through something or they're.

Christy Holt:

They're in a mood or whatever.

Christy Holt:

At the end of the day, you can't control any of that.

Christy Holt:

What you can control is the environment that you are creating.

Host:

Yes.

Host:

Energy is contagious, whichever one you bring.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

So if your intention is connect, then if you remember that intention and you move from that intention, then you will naturally start to create more connection.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

And the ripple effect of that is priceless.

Host:

I've seen it, like, move past our house, right.

Host:

With our kids inviting their friends over for dinner or for sleepovers or whatever.

Host:

And I've seen that ripple effect.

Host:

And they go home and it's so funny to me, like, kids that the parents would swear to me would never eat a green vegetable.

Host:

And they'll come over and they'll eat everything we put in front of them and we have the best time and they'll go home and be like, oh, we had the best meal.

Host:

It was probably the same thing.

Host:

Right.

Host:

But the environment and the intention was different.

Host:

I'm not serving from a place of.

Host:

I'm going to set this down and I know they're not going to eat it.

Host:

Like, that's not what I'm thinking about.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Host:

Right.

Host:

And so.

Host:

And I'm not always saying that's what the other arm is thinking about either, but it's just kind of the.

Host:

You just never know.

Host:

Right.

Host:

Because if that thought is, this is what I want, and they're just not going to eat it and you're in that space of angst about it, that's what you're projecting.

Host:

If you literally don't care whether they're going to or not and you're going to enjoy it anyway, that's the vibe.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

Totally different.

Host:

Okay, last thing before we sign off.

Host:

You have a new book out.

Host:

Tell us about your book and then we'll close it up for the day.

Christy Holt:

Awesome.

Christy Holt:

Yeah.

Christy Holt:

I recently published my second solo book, which is called Love Unstuck.

Christy Holt:

And it is a lot about what we were talking about today because it's about relationships.

Christy Holt:

And spoiler alert, it is largely about the relationship that you have with yourself because this is the foundation.

Christy Holt:

It's not about, you know, be finding the perfect person that you want to be with.

Christy Holt:

It's about being that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Christy Holt:

It's about building a solid relationship with yourself first so that you can create with intention the life, the love, the legacy that you wish to create.

Christy Holt:

And I've dropped as many nuggets as I possibly could squeeze into a few hundred pages into this book.

Christy Holt:

A lot of personal experience, school of hard knocks, been through a couple of divorces.

Christy Holt:

I feel like I'm like an expert in navigating relationship challenges and all that.

Christy Holt:

To say I have found the most incredible relationship.

Christy Holt:

We are about six and a half years in together and we really honestly haven't had a fight yet.

Christy Holt:

Like, it really can be so much easier.

Christy Holt:

And that's because I did the work on myself first and I found also a partner who was willing to grow and do the work on himself.

Christy Holt:

And we came together to whole people, not people who need to be fixed or broken or trying to find someone else to fill the missing pieces, but two whole people that loved and accepted ourselves.

Christy Holt:

And when that happens, two people come together, they love and accept themselves.

Christy Holt:

It overflows and it honestly is like just pure magic.

Christy Holt:

And so I have given as many keys and tricks and hacks and practical exercises to help move you along and build that solid relationship with yourself.

Christy Holt:

ople to really just switch up:

Christy Holt:

I invite you to make it a little bit more about yourself and not in a selfish like, screw everyone else kind of way, but if I care for myself, this is good for everyone kind of way.

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

Beautiful.

Host:

ou have a word picked out for:

Christy Holt:

Oh, you know what?

Christy Holt:

I haven't yet.

Christy Holt:

Okay.

Host:

Mine is receive.

Christy Holt:

That's a really good one.

Christy Holt:

Yeah, it could be surrender.

Christy Holt:

That has been sort of a key theme.

Christy Holt:

That wasn't my word this year.

Christy Holt:

A couple years ago I used sovereign.

Christy Holt:

And I love that word too.

Christy Holt:

Like, it's so, so powerful to just be in your sovereign self.

Christy Holt:

And again, this ties to the authenticity as well.

Christy Holt:

Right?

Christy Holt:

This is you and your powerful self expressing yourself.

Host:

You know, I might have to have more than one word.

Christy Holt:

Yeah, now you need a whole post like me with a couple of words.

Host:

Thank you so much for joining us today.

Host:

I can't wait to read your book.

Host:

And one other plug, which has nothing to do with my business or Christie.

Host:

But as we continue to talk about the Good Girl, if you haven't read the Good Girl Myth, such a great book, you should check it out.

Host:

I don't know if you've read that one, but it was fabulous.

Christy Holt:

Don't know if I have read that one.

Christy Holt:

But yeah, I have a couple of resources on Good Girl conditioning and stuff and people pleasing and all of that as free resources on my YouTube channel too.

Christy Holt:

So if that stuck out to you, all kinds of good resources.

Host:

Get yourself the love unstuck, check out the Good Girl Myth and you know, bring your badass self to the table, man.

Host:

Let's do it in:

Christy Holt:

to an authentic and beautiful:

Host:

Yeah.

Host:

We'll talk again soon.

Host:

Thanks for joining us, Christy.

Host:

If you've enjoyed this episode of Mealtime Magic and Mayhem, I would love it if you would leave a comment, give us a five star rating, leave a review and stay tuned for the next episode.

Host:

I'd love to help you on your mealtime journey.

Host:

So in the show notes, grab your link to the the Mealtime Superpower quiz and find out your mealtime superpower today.

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About the Podcast

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Mealtime Magic & Mayhem; Family Dinner Ideas, Meal Planning, and Connection
Tricia Clark - Mealtime Mentor & Kitchen Witch - Making Mealtime Fun, Simple, and Stress-Free for Busy Families

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Tricia Clark